Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Lonely Night



I get so sad at night...it's when everyone is asleep (except me of course, thank you, insomnia)...and I feel the most alone. I had the greatest day yesterday with my husband...I wish I was there tonight. Trying to hold back the tears but I can't. I just want everything to be good again, I just want to be happy. I'm tired of my life being up in the air, I'm tired of not being home, I'm tired of staying with my parents (bless them, though), I'm tired of not being able to fix it when my sister is hurting so much...I can handle bad things happening to myself...I've been through enough now that I can handle just about anything, and I'm thankful for that because I've become SUCH a stronger person...but I just don't understand why my sisters have both been hurt and have to go through pain...I wish I was the only one who had to suffer any pain...

I just want to go home. Damnit. Nighttime is such a lonely time when you're away from the one you love. I don't ask "why me" anymore, because I know why...it's all happening to make me (and our relationship) stronger. Oh...but the night...the night is the worst....

*big sigh* I feel better now. This is a good release for me, writing (blogging). I feel better, but still wish I were there with him. The journey continues...healing takes time. Patience, patience, patience....

1 comment:

Jackie said...

I've been ok tonight up until now. I hate being away from him. It's like I fight going to sleep because I hate going to bed without him holding me. I know I have to get better before I go back, but it just hurts. I can take my mind off of it during the day...occupy myself with other things...but there's no avoiding the feeling of missing him at night. I wish I was with him. The only time I cry anymore (and I used to cry a LOT) is at night. I just want to be laying there with him, not here alone. Ugh...my heart literally hurts...it's aching.