Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sometimes Music Can Save a Soul

This is a message I posted to the Rob Thomas message board. I thought I'd share it. Someone reading this may feel the same way about another artist. I'd love to hear your stories.

Also, pictured is an image I created during my worst point in life, when I was suicidal. Dry, dying flowers behind a cracked view of a broken life...trying to heal.

And I'm getting there, and music is helping to save my soul. Especially with songwriters like Rob Thomas, who seem to put into music exactly how I feel.

I'm not some obsessed fan, I'm just an appreciator of someone who lets their soul sing, so that others don't feel so alone.


Rob, this is going to sound so cliche...but your music has been a big part of saving my life and my sanity. I've been a fan ever since MB20's first album. I listened to it over and over again.

I didn't know it then, but I was in the beginning of a deep depression, that has lasted until now...and I'm still struggling. The past two years of my life have been pure hell. I've been locked in the hospital for suicide attempts (or threats), and have recently been diagnosed as bipolar.

Your words have always seemed like they were taken right from my own thoughts. I relate to them so much that my heart aches when I hear them. If you feel half the pain I've felt, as suggested in your words, I commend you for your strength.

"Her Diamonds" is a favorite right now. It is me, word for word. And my husband, too. He just doesn't know what to do, and he knows he can't give me the help I need right now.

I've recently hit what I'd call my "rock bottom", and am finally realizing how much strength I really have. I'm finally seeing the light, after being stuck in the darkness for so long.

Your words have always gotten me through, more than anyone else's. And I thank you so much for that. I've also had a lifelong dream of singing, but never had the confidence to sing anywhere but in my own home (alone) or in the car (alone)...but I like what I hear when it comes out of my mouth...and I have so many words written down...someday I'd like to put them in some kind of order and write a song. I'm tired of my illness holding me back, and I'm ready to follow my dreams. You are one of my inspirations, and there's no words to describe what your music means to me.

There is this 'stigma' of mental illness. People picture straitjackets and padded cells and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"...all that shit...but I'm a normal (whatever that means) person...and I'm bipolar. I'm not "crazy", I'm not a "lunatic". It's a disease, and I feel like I can only tell the people close to me about it, or else be judged wrongly. Someday I hope to have my words heard, and help to remove that stigma. I want to help people with my you have helped me.

Bless you for your gift, and as cliche as this whole message sounds, it is from the heart and I am truly greatful for the gift you have given. And even though your words make me cry sometimes, they give me strength in knowing I'm not alone in the way I feel, and I can pull myself up and find the light...and I will...and will be such a strong person because of it. My "mistakes" and "fuckups" have only taught me that I can get through a hell of a lot more than I thought, and come out having learned something about myself in the end. That I am not weak, I am strong, and capable of more than I ever thought.

Thank you so much.

"After silence, that which comes closest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
~ Aldous Huxley ~



mydualities said...

Wow, Jackie. The truth of your message to Rob Thomas was inspiring. I should do the same to some of the people that inspire me. I often feel the same way with "Unwell" by Matchbox 20. I totally love it. I also love the new one by Rob Thomas. He is an inspiration. I hope you do touch lives and remove the stigma with your words for everyone who hears them. I plan to do the same. :)

Jackie said...

Thanks Nicole :)

Yeah, almost all of Rob's songs (Including his solo and Matchbox 20 songs) have some impact on me. I can relate to so many of them. "Someday" is a really good one for me right now, as far as getting better, it brings me hope.

I am trying to get the link to this message to him on Twitter. It's hard to get the attention of someone with so many followers though. I really want him to see it, only to give him the thanks that he deserves and to let him know that he has made a difference.

I hope to do the same.

I've got so many words written that I hope to turn into songs one day. He's definitely been an inspiration in giving me the courage to do that. The words are so personal, but if someone benefits from them and doesn't feel so alone, then it's worth it.

Glad to have you in this fight with me!

Take care of yourself :)