Thursday, December 10, 2009

I'll be fine. I always am.

"I'll be fine. I always am."  A year ago, I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth.  But, they did today, and they're true. I will be fine, no matter what. I have been through SO MUCH this year that the tiny things that used to set me off in anger or in anxiety and worry are just that...tiny things...tiny things that I *can* handle. Even when bigger problems happen, I *WILL* be able to handle them. What hasn't killed me has made me stronger.

Since my last blog post, I did have a couple of "down" days. But not *nearly* as low as I've been in the past. I was just low-energy and not especially cheery for a couple of days. And that is OK. Everyone has bad days. My bad days now are so much more tolerable than they used to be.  The life experience, the medication, and the therapy that I've had this year have made me so much stronger and able to take life on.

I am moving back to the city, back to live with my husband, this Sunday.  I am excited about that. He has stood by me through some really REALLY tough times, and this time apart has only made us stronger.  We are both bipolar and it seems, now that I've been properly diagnosed, that we understand each other better. We understand the disease and what it does to ourselves, so we can, to some extent, understand what the other person is going through. It is a blessing and a curse, but mostly a blessing. We were meant to be together, meant to go through these tough times together, meant to fight our struggle with bipolar disorder together.

I have no regrets. "Regrets are mistakes you don't learn from." And I HAVE learned from my mistakes. regrets. Only strength, wisdom, and a newfound positive outlook and excitement for the future.

I'll be fine. I always am.


benpolar said...

You seem to be doing well. Good luck with your move back to the city!

It seems like people with bipolar seem to attract each other. Looking back, I know I've had more than one bipolar girlfriend in the past. Best wishes to you both.

Jackie said...

Thanks so much. I feel like, with what we've been through, we'll be able to handle anything now. I'm so grateful that he's loved me enough to stand by me. Even though I had to stay with my parents while getting stabilized, the thought of separating (for real, legally, or any thought of divorce) never came up. I believe that things happen for a reason. And these things happened to make us stronger. We are going to be iron-clad now!

I wish you well in your recovery, too. It's not easy, even now, I'm still going to have struggles...but know that you will get through them and be a better person because of them.

Mary said...

I was recently diagnosed bipolar. I know how scary it is. For me, it was the stigma that terrified me so much, and the fact that my mother had it as well. She lost her battle against it.

I share your mindset that we need to end the stigma. I actually have a blog about this myself. Would you mind taking a look?